


i love you so much these days

by chopinseimei



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, how to cope with yuzuru withdrawing from worlds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 11:23:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13926129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chopinseimei/pseuds/chopinseimei
Summary: “Yuzu,” he mumbles, then clears his throat. “What is it?” he blinks slowly, eyes adjusting to the bright light coming from his phone. When he sees his boyfriend’s face, he feels a little sick; the other looks pale, dark bags under dull eyes and hand shaking a little from where Shoma can see it in the corner of the screen. He hadn’t looked like this a few weeks ago. “Are you okay?”“Shoma,” he starts. Pauses, breath catching in his throat and eyes downcast. “I'm withdrawing from Worlds.”





	i love you so much these days

Shoma is about to fall asleep when his phone starts going off.

He groans, but the ringtone (some cheesy English pop song that Yuzuru had put there as a joke- ‘Everytime We Touch,’ he thinks it’s called) is familiar immediately and his eyes snap open as soon as the first notes of the chorus come in. He slams his hand down onto the answer button just as the line,  _ ‘and everytime we kiss, I swear I could fly’ _ is ending. He’s not really fully aware of what’s going on except Yuzuru’s face on the other side of the screen, blurry and dark in the dim morning light. He lets out another annoyed sound, rubbing his eyes to clear his vision.

“Yuzu,” he mumbles, then clears his throat. “What is it?” he blinks slowly, eyes adjusting to the bright light coming from his phone. When he sees his boyfriend’s face, he feels a little sick; the other looks pale, dark bags under dull eyes and hand shaking a little from where Shoma can see it in the corner of the screen. He hadn’t looked like this a few weeks ago. “Are you okay?”

“Shoma,” he starts. Pauses, breath catching in his throat and eyes downcast. “I'm withdrawing from Worlds.”

Shoma guesses he should feel something like his world crashing down around him. This is what he’s always wanted, isn't it; being able to compete with Yuzuru, a step closer to his level, but once again it's been ripped away from him. He should feel upset, should want to scream or cry or  _ anything,  _ but in a way he'd already known this would happen. It feels less like the world crashing down and more the contract that confirms the demolition- it's happening, but maybe it won't set in until he's standing on the podium (he’d been hoping for a second place, but..) without Yuzuru by his side.

“Oh,” he says, and, “I'm sorry.”

Yuzuru doesn't say anything. His eyes have lost their usual shine, dark and dull even in the golden light drifting in through his curtains. It’s silent, and for the first time in months he doesn’t find it comforting. He’s about to say he needs to go to bed, if only to rid himself of the awkward silence, but suddenly Yuzuru is opening his mouth and the words are tumbling out like he just couldn’t hold them in anymore.

“I don’t want to withdraw,” Shoma’s heart almost breaks at his desperate tone, “but I have to. Javi isn’t going to be there and without him I-  _ I might’ve won- _ and even if the Olympics are more important- I feel like not being at Worlds after that is letting everyone down,” he stops, for just a few moments, and then the tears start falling. “I-I’m sorry Sho, I know how much this was going to mean to you but I- I  _ can’t-” _

“Yuzu.” Shoma interrupts, trying not to let his voice crack. For the first time since the call had started, Yuzuru meets his gaze (through the screen.) “Of course this meant a lot to me, but what matters more is that you get better.” he sees something glitter in Yuzuru’s eyes. More tears. “I’d rather medal at Worlds without you than medal at Worlds and beat you undeserved. Or see you get hurt again.” he winces a little, thinking about that; he’d heard about Yuzuru’s injury during practice, having stayed off the internet for the few hours prior, and the entire time he’d done nothing but fall and stumble until Mihoko was practically shoving him out of the rink.

(He’d called Yuzuru that night, and had arranged to visit him as soon as he could. There’d been a lot of crying there, too.)

Yuzuru suddenly lets out a shaky sob, collapsing in a heap into his sheets, and Shoma feels his heart break a little more. This is what he hates most about the distance; during the off-season there’s never much chance to see eachother, and if either Yuzuru or Shoma is having a day like this there’s no comfort to be found in hugs or kisses, because there are no hugs or kisses to be found in the first place. He wants to lean over, wrap his arms around Yuzuru in that way that makes him all soft and kiss him until they can forget all their worries. But he can’t, and maybe this is when the world starts crashing.

“Yuzu,” he breathes out, staring hopelessly at his mess of a boyfriend. “Yuzu, please don’t cry.” but of course, that doesn’t do anything, and he’s forced to stare back at the slightly blurry, hunched over figure on his screen until Yuzuru _finally_ looks up, eyes red and puffy, but at least he’s smiling a little.

“God, Sho.” he laughs weakly, making an attempt to wipe his tears with his soaked pajama sleeves. Even so, he does look a bit better. “How do you even put up with me?”

“I ask myself that a lot,” Shoma trails off, then grins at Yuzuru's slight laugh. “But maybe it’s because you’re amazing? And even though you’re kind of stupid it’s adorable? And you’re really handsome and…” he feels his face warming a bit, looking down shyly. He picks at his blanket (a gift from Yuzuru earlier in the season; it has the pattern of his Turandot costume on it and it’s extremely soft) and mumbles, “I love you? A lot.”

Yuzuru smiles a little, and this time his cheeks aren’t flushed because of the tears. Shoma continues, “Just- you’re amazing. And I know I say this a lot and it probably gets old after a while, but I mean it. The only competition you’ve won this season and it was the  _ Olympics.”  _ at this point he’s not really aware of what he’s saying, just that Yuzuru’s eyes are sparkling again and his lips are curling upwards just slightly. “I know I can’t do that- not yet- but you. You just.. Coming back from something like that and still winning gold, you deserve the break. We both know that you’ll come back even stronger, and I just,” he lowers his gaze, watching Yuzuru’s lips and wondering if this would be any different if he could kiss him. “I just think… there’s really noone else like you. You’re extraordinary.” there’s a pause, a few seconds of silence that drag on and on. Yuzuru sits there, clutching a plush toy to his chest and Shoma can’t help thinking that even now, in the image on his phone that is constantly changing quality, in a pile of blankets and Pooh plushies, with a red nose and puffy eyes and trembling smile, Yuzuru looks beautiful.

“I love you.” Yuzuru says, snapping Shoma out of his trance and back into the sight of those eyes, bright and shimmering and _ alive.  _ “God- Shoma, I love you so much. You know that, right?” and Shoma nods, because that’s really all he can do when feeling this flustered. But because Yuzuru is Yuzuru, he will continue to compliment him because apparently seeing Shoma embarrassed like this is ‘cute.’

(Don’t tell anyone, but that’s the only instance in which he actually likes being called that.)

“Love you too,” Shoma interrupts halfway through Yuzuru’s rant about how pretty his eyes are. “And really, don’t worry about Worlds. If anything I’ll just have to win for you.” Yuzuru laughs at that, smile finally reaching his eyes.

“I’ll look forward to it.” Yuzuru’s smile softens and Shoma feels his heart melt a little, watching as his boyfriend’s hand comes up to pat the plush toy he’s holding on the head. “Ugh, I wish I could go to watch you there. Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?” Shoma will never understand how Yuzuru can say things like that so casually; when he’s saying it, it’s either if he’s tired or if he’s in an especially ‘soft’ (as Yuzuru likes to call it) mood. Or, in situations like right now, where Shoma can’t express anything through touch, so maybe words will have to do.

“I wish you could, but I wish that you’d let your ankle heal even more.” he settles for, watching Yuzuru sigh and roll his eyes.

“I know, but you know how it is! I can’t just- not skate!” he groans. Shoma laughs; if he were with Yuzuru right now he’d probably be patting him on the arm. If he were with Yuzuru right now, there would also be a lot more kissing involved in this situation.

“Play a game, or something. Didn’t I give you a few for your birthday?” Yuzuru’s eyes light up at that, but then immediately dim again and he smiles sheepishly.

“I uh.. Left them in Canada.” he mumbles, and Shoma resists the urge to facepalm (he’s holding his blanket to his chest right now, and like he said, it’s soft. It makes him feel sleepy even if it’s almost 7am at this point.) “I can get Brian to send them to me, though!” that does make Shoma wonder how long Yuzuru is staying in Japan for; he’s too busy training and sleeping right now, but if there’s enough time before Worlds he might be able to make time for a visit.

Before he can voice that thought, though, he yawns. It’s so loud that Yuzuru almost jumps back before laughing, obnoxious but oddly infectious. “Alright, go to sleep. You’ve looked tired this whole time and as much as I want to keep talking I have stuff to do today too.” and whoops, Shoma’s already falling asleep, trying to blink himself awake to no avail.

“Love you,” he mumbles, already slipping into sleep and letting his head fall onto the blanket. Yuzuru smiles, blurry but gorgeous all the same, and he hears him mutter out a, ‘love you too’ before he falls asleep completely, to the noise of Yuzuru’s voice and sight of those gorgeous eyes.

Sometimes, Shoma thinks, the separation might not be that bad.

**Author's Note:**

> yo yo yo!!!! i was having trouble finishing this bc i got ILL this week ahfhfgh   
> tbh i've decided that march just. is not my month bc first there's that shitton of snow that came in a week ago, then i killed my pinky finger and now I HAVE A COLD. (and ofc yuzu withdrew from worlds but,, that's slightly good bc I WANT HIM TO BE GOOD WHEN HE STARTS COMPETING AGAIN)
> 
> but anyways!! hope you guys enjoyed, come bug me on my tumblr (chopinseimei) if u wanna talk yuzusho or just anything in general lmao


End file.
